wakey wakey hands off snakey
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
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