i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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