I can text with my tongue
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
