i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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