There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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