Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize