I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
