I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
