I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
there was a trapeze. enough said
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
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