There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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