Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
