how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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