Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
