the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
