even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Shitshow foam night was such a success
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Randomize
