Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize
