I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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