he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize