careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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