i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
our cab driver is having phone sex.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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