I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
