Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
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