Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
