"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
