my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Randomize
