The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
