Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Randomize
