Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
