that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
