The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
