I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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