Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
