Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
