I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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