did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
