if i died would you start the facebook group?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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