Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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