He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
