Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I cut my penus on the lid.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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