Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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