Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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