We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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