She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
