How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
