Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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