it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
