I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
