Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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