Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
