i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
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