I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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