sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
