we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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