Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
