oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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