i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
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