I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
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