Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
