hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
