her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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