Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
