He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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