Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
