I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
