I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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