I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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