If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
