the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize