Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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