Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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