FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
