i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
