yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize