Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
