This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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