every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
