Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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