So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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