Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
