So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
