margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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