I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
