Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
