My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Randomize
