who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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