I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
