As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
