How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
